How Perspective effects our Perception part 2

When we ended part 1 of How Perspective Effects our Perception.  We were going to pick up with an example of an interaction between a husband and a wife.

From a relational PERSPECTIVE the things we spoke about earlier that shape our individual perspective will impact our perception of what is going on. Lets look at this one example of a husband and a wife interacting.

A wife asks the husband to wipe down the walls of the shower when he is finished. She knows that failing to do so causes mildew in the grout, a tough cleaning job - as she knows because she has been the one to clean it.

But the husband is surprised she mentioned it because he always thought the moisture in the shower quickly evaporated and never caused a problem. He sees her remark as critical and overreacting. He wonders if she has some other beef she's stewing on.

A new barrier to communication has just been erected - caused by differences in perspective.

His perspective no big deal it drys fast.

Her perspective big deal and cleaning the grout is a pain

Each of their perspectives causes an issue with PERCEPTION. He now perceives that she is being critical and overreacting and that there may be another issue..... This is based on his perspective that it will dry fast and is no big deal.

Now if he doesn't do it and goes on about his business because he doesn't think it is a big deal. His wife comes behind him and observes that it was in fact not done..... then her perspective of it making the grout moldy...... causes her perception to possibly go something like this...... He doesn't love me..... He never does what i ask him to do..... I work way to hard around here to have to do all of these extra little things that could just be prevented by a few minutes of every ones time. Instead it will take me hours to do this when it gets moldy again. These perceptions come about do to each individuals perspective to that one specific issue....

Confused yet...............?

Just for the record..... we have no grout in our shower...... so this example is random. (Just in case you were wondering) What we've got here......is failure to communicate. (I couldn't pass that one up.... it is a famous line from the movie Cool Hand Luke click here for a little clip)

That failure is created by each individuals perspective of the situation that in turn develops each individuals perception of what was intended by the statement or actions. This can make for a really big problem for the couple if they do not have a good method of conflict resolution. (more about conflict resolution in another post)

So you ask..... go head ask..... I'm waiting. Oh you want to know how that situation could be avoided. Well it may be inevitable that the conflict will take place but if you ask me..... and you did..... here are a couple of pointers that could help.

The husband could say.... Honey what did you mean by that statement...... you might not receive a simple answer but you would start the dialogue rolling and most likely not from a hostile starting point. The wife may respond with.... what do you mean.... what did I mean? You would have to expound in order for there to be additional understanding.

The wife could start with..... Cleaning the grout is really difficult. When the shower is left wet the mildew grows a lot faster. Could you wipe the shower down when you are done? This would have helped set the perspective for the husband prior to the request being made. Most likely eliminating the perception problem caused by him not understanding where the statement was coming from.

Now you may be asking yourself do we always have to do that? It seems like a lot of work and a lot of words just to ensure there is no error in perception by providing the correct perspective. The answer is - you probably won't always have to do that. At some point the husband and wife should begin to understand each other and what perspective they are coming from. This takes time as in any relationship to get to know each other and how the other person operates or from what perspective they are coming from. This is true of any relationship not just husbands and wives. (This reminds me of a study on group or team development where the team goes through specific phases. Forming.... Storming..... Norming.... Conforming.... and Performing..... maybe I will post on that some other time as it has really good insight into how relationships develop in teams and small groups)

After the two have that conversation they may come up with a solution that requires less work to actually clean the grout and eliminate the need to actually wipe down the entire shower after each use. Making it a win.....win situation for both parties.

The important thing to remember is that most of the time we have our own very individualized perspective on things that occur.  This intern adds to our very individualized perception and that can create problems if we react on our perception alone.  We should learn to be patient..... do not be quick to jump to a conclusion or blame..... we should also be slow to anger....take a step back and look at things from a different angle before moving on.  If we take the time to do that, many times we will have the opportunity to see things in a different light.  I think maybe this is were the good advise of take a deep breath and count to 10 may have come from.  Doing that really gives you time to weigh the possibilities before reacting in a way that could be detrimental.   Remember once the words are spoken you can't take them back.

Here is a verse from Proverbs to contemplate in relation to this and our response....

Proverbs 19:11 (ASV)
11 The discretion of a man maketh him slow to anger; And it is his glory to pass over a transgression.

Up next How Perspective Effects our Perception part 3..... What perspective do we give when sharing the Gospel.

What examples do you have of conflict that may have happened because of perspective effecting someones perception.   How did you resolve it.